iknowyouwantme [talan]

[__sydney l'amore]

_{What if I told you It was all meant to be
Would you believe me, Would you agree
It's almost that feelin' That we've met before}



It was past nine. The club was very busy. The problem with coming to a place like this was getting in. If you didn't have a wallet full of cash or a celebrity name it was hard to get the bouncers to let you through the door. So she had come under 'RAGE MODELS PARTY'. On her arm was a handsome tall man who kept watching her with admiring eyes. She hadn't known him long, just over two weeks, and although Talan was more than on her mind she knew she couldn't count on anything and she knew to give someone a chance, she felt nothing though, but it kept up her new clean appearance, even if she didn't feel it. Her head turned to the side to look into John's eys as he turned her head to his, "What you having babe?" He rose from his seat slowly, pulling cash from his pocket. "Um, Suprise me." She said with a grin, leaning back into her seat and waving him off.


Yeah it was fake. Come on, you could see that, anyone could see that. He couldn't. But what the hell. Her hand dug into the cream clutch bag and she pulled out a silver, Number Seven compact mirror and powder and she checked her appearance which she had spent over three hours on. Hey, being a make-up artist didn't mean you did it quickly, it just meant you could be drop dead gorgeous with flawless make-up. Which of course was probably the point tonight. She could see all of the guys looking her, she didn't like it though, like some would, it reminded hr of being back at ACE, how the men drooled and gawped after her. No, ti was a turn off, and it just made her feel uncomfortable, even more so when she was wearing a gorgeous, coral coloured cocktail dress which was backless, low fronted but it looked beautiful, nothing cheap but very formal.


It grew longer as she waited for her drink, so she left her friends around the large round table they had reserved, most of which were actually dancing on it. So she moved towards the bar, and he stood there, but he was standing near another girl, blonde. His arm around her shoulder. She walked up, tapped him on the shoulder. See someone who might feel something might care, but she didn't, if he wished to run off with a blonde, let him, it saved her the process of the whole 'i'm not ready' talk and thing. He turned and he grinned, "Babe, i was just getting our drinks." He said as he took them from the bar and he gave hers in a cocktail glass. "Made a new friend?" She asked him, smiling as she sipped her drink. But suddenly, unprovoked his face changed, it dropped and he looked angry. "John? Are you okay?" She asked, taking her drink from her mouth to look on concerned. "Come with me." He told her, taking her hand and pulling her through the crowds. You could probably say she should know something was going to happen.


The crowds got thinner, they went through a door and then another. "Where are we going?" Her voice's pitch becoming higher with fright. He turned on her and pinned her against the wall, she dropped the glass and it smashed as it hit the floor. A CCTV camera above their heads moved, he grabbed it and broke the lense. Sydney jumped and her eyes became wide with fear. Thick with mascara and eye liner, they peered at him. "John, just let me go. Please." She said, but he shook his head and pushed his mouth into hers, his hand reaching up her dress. "John!" She pushed him back and he just walked towards her, eyes wild with unexplainable anger and desire. "Come on babe, i've seen you offer it around, i've seen you screw the bastards. Can't remember me love? You've screwed me many times before, now it's time to do it my way." Her eyes widened even more. This was not happenig again, not again, oh god no not again, please.


She pushed him away and turned to run for the door down the corridor but he grabbed her, picked her up and dragged her outside. The wall was like a sheet of ice, cold and sheer. She hit her head and she breathed out in a gasp as he thrust his hand into her hips to hold her put. "No. No. Stop. Please don't do this." She kicked him, but he only held her throat and pushed harder as he unbuckled his smart black belt. How had she fallen into this. How could this be happenig to her again? She had been so careful for so many years, and now, and now this. Again, another monster. This time, no one could see and help her, she was going to suffer again. "Stop. Please." She screamed as he unzipped his pants and pulled up her dress. SHe kicked out, her fist colliding with his temple, maybe she had more force and strength than she thought as he stumbled, fell over a crate and landed on the floor. "Help. Oh fuck." She screamed, the door not opening as she pulled it frantically as he stumbled to his knee's. Obviously dizzy from his head colliding with the conrete. "Shit. Open up, PLEASE. HELP." She screamed as he got to his feet and charged after her. "no one is coming babe, whats the point in screaming. Come on now, be a good girl. lets do it my way." He shouted loudly as he crossed the distance at a fast walk quickly. A tear rolled down her face. She came face to face with him and he glared, laughing evilly as he punched her in the hip, she fell forward, but not to the ground. She looked to him, he pulled at his trousers. She lost her breath and coughed, no, this wasn't happening....


_{Everything changes But beauty remains
Something so tender I can't explain}


x x

[Talan♠McInnis]

It had been about two weeks since Talan had talked to Sydney on instant messenger. Or, was it one? He didn’t know. Since their little conversation, he had found out he was going to be a father. He was ecstatic and his life was going great. There was only one problem. Sydney kept drifting into his mind. He loved Destiny so very much, but why then was this girl he really didn’t know all that much constantly popping up in his head? He had almost gotten himself to forget about hose haunted eyes and then they had talked on the internet and she was doing better. He didn’t know if what he had told her had something to do with it or not, but he was very happy that she was doing something she cared about; something that made her happy. Now she was back in his head again, stronger than ever and he was quite confused. Was it possible to be in love with somebody you really hardly knew? Was it possible to be in love with not one, but two women at the same time?

Tonight, the was a Rage Models Party, and he knew it was wrong, but he was excited to see her. He really wanted to see her when she was happy. He was wearing a black collared shirt with a white wife beater underneath and some dark denim jeans with his black boots. When he had seen the group of models, he had spotted Sydney instantly. He had thought how beautiful she looked, not just because of her pretty dress or the makeup, but because she really did look happy and no longer where her eyes the haunted ones he remembered. She had a guy on her arm though and Talan felt a pang of jealousy. It faded quickly though as he could tell that she wasn’t really into the man. Still, he was going to wait a bit to go over.

He was making some rounds, checking on things, like he so often did. At the moment, he was up in the DJ booth, enjoying the music and a bartender got his attention, motioning for him to come over. Talan did so immediately as the man, who was called Mike and was probably Talan’s best worker, looked very worried. He told him that Kris had called down from the security room and said that somebody had destroyed one of the cameras in the back and also looked like somebody was in trouble. Immediately angered, Talan grabbed a walkee talkee and headed to the back, telling one of his bouncers over the device to meet him back there.

As he reached the area Kris had referred to, and found nobody there and just as he was about to ask Kris what was up, he could here screaming from the alley. He began to hurry towards the door, and heard Kris’s voice come over the radio, somewhat panicked, informing Talan that the same person was in the alley and a woman was in trouble. Without Talan’s orders, the man rightfully said he was calling the police. Everybody with a walkee talkee would have heard Kris, so Talan just continued on into the alley.

Talan nearly slammed open the door leading outside. His eye laid upon a man pinning a woman against the opposite wall. His pants opened up and he had her dress hiked up. He was aroused and with his hand up her dress he was forcing her to open her legs while his other hand turned her face and he licked up her neck and cheek. The whole thing made him sick and beyond furious. Just talking about rape made Talan fairly angry, and now he was seeing a man attempt to do so. That absolute icy fury swept over him. His jaw clenched and he went into that scary place where there were no thoughts. Just anger and hatred for the offender. He shot forward grabbing the man’s hair at the back of his head and pulling him back, sticking his leg behind the guy, and tossing him on his back to the ground.

Talan lost control. The man was bigger than him. A little taller, and a little more built, but when a person reaches the state of mind that he was in, it didn’t really make a difference. Before the man could do anything, Talan had kicked him several times in the gut and now had the guy standing and grasped his hair once more to bend him over and run his head into a near by dumpster, leaving a small dent. The man was once again on the ground, bleeding from the head, and still, Talan couldn’t stop. He wouldn’t stop until the bastard was dead. Nearly unconscious already, the man was hardly doing anything as Talan kneeled and proceed to start punching him in the face. After at least three good punches and a breaking of the guy‘s nose, Talan felt some very strong hands pulling him back, he fought at first, but let them stand him up and stop him from going to far.

Straightening his shirt he told Mike and Tiny - who was by no means tiny - to take care of everything for him and give the cops a copy of the tape that would show what happened because she didn‘t need to deal with talking to them. He turned to the woman, and as soon as he realized who it was, he turned and had to be held back once more as he wanted to kill the man even more. Somehow gaining his cool, he straightened his shirt and turned back to Sydney once more. This time, he was completely ok, and more gentle than ever. He moved forward and took her in his arms, holding her close and resting chin on her head as he leaned her against his chest. He couldn’t believe that she had almost been raped, right here, in the alley. Of his club, no less. As he thought about it, he actually wasn’t sure she hadn’t been. He picked her up and carried her inside all the way to his office and into his little apartment. He hadn’t spoken. He just held her, praying that he had been there in time. He would never forgive himself if he hadn’t. Never.

[__sydney l'amore]

Whatever happened next was a bit of a blur, so much went off, but then again so little. He had her dress up, his smell was voilent. He had seemed so nice and so cheery, why had he turned. She had done nothing to provoke him either. What was he talking about, she'd screwed him. She had never met him before, had she? She couldn't figure him out, he licked her neck and she curled backwards, he was revolting. There was a loud slam as the metal door of the club bounced open, onto the wall and back. Thankgod, someone had come to help her. She was in shock, she couldn't do anything, she was just staring at him and trying in vain to stop what was about to happen.


The man was ripped from her, he was pulled backwards and then she saw Talan. She gasped. He threw the guy around, she was worried, he was larger than Talan and probably much more well built. She leant against the wall, in shock, she couldn't move. Her hazel eyes, watered down and running tears like a tap she watched as the fight escalated within seconds into a one man fight. Fists were flying and feet, but they were all from Talan. She didn't know what to do, but she knew Talan would kill him if someone didn't stop them. "Stop. No. Your going to kill him. Stop, stop it, stop, he's down." She cried out, her hands reaching out for Talan but she couldn'g get near or hold of him, but thankfully, the bouncers came and dragged him away and she fell against the wall, closing her eyes a fresh set of tears rolled down her face.


What was happening? She was all happy, she was having fun, then this happened. It just proved her point that men were scumb bags and you could never trust none, and all that she attracted were either old, perverted or complete arseholes. But she could not be more grateful to these people, to these wonderful men and to Talan. He didn't know, but he had just saved her from her very worst nightmare. She was sure, sure as hell that if he had raped her, if John had managed to rape her and no one had come, she would have turned to drugs, alochol and finally ended it all, she couldn't take it again. Not another knock back, and not like that again. That was now her ultimate fear, bu she hid it so well.


Talan turned, he looked at her, and she saw it in his eyes as he clicked onto who she was, even in the darkness he knew who she was, she jumped as he swung around and went for the man once again. She closed her eyes as she heard another sickening thud as his fist collided with the man. The bouncers held him back, picking him up off him and keeping him away. Then he turned to her, his face now ridded of anger. Her hazel eyes, helplessy looked into his and she kept eye contact, all the time until he wrapped his arms around her and he held her close, his chin on her head as he pulled her into his chest and she closed her eyes, more tears falling down as they were compressed out of her lids. Her hands gripped desperatly at his shirt to hold onto him, to know that she was safe, to feel this thing she felt that she couldn't explain. She burried her head into his chest and she breath, controlling herself.


Her hand reached up his side and held on tight as she slowly pulled away and looked up into his eyes, she couldn't than him enough, but she wasn't scared now, not any more. It had shaken her up, but she could quickly get over it, nothing had happened, thats how she had always looked at it. This had happened before, attempted rape, countless times, too many to count, thats what happened when you used to do her job and it just got to this stage where shock just took over, and ocne you knew you were safe you were fine, they wouldn't come for you again, they knew too well. Slowly, he picked her up and she sighed, she was comforted, he was Silent, but his silence spoke so much. How could this person she had only just met and know nothing about be so nice to her, comfort her so well.


Her arms wrapped around his neck and she let her head bury into his neck as she calmed herself, of course she was in shock, nothing major, but she still had to let it all sink in, then, then she would be fine. Well, not entirely fine, she was shaken, she hadn't expected it, but she knew she was safe now. The police sirens could be heard and she just hoped she hadn't caused his club any trouble or its rep, that would be the last thing that she wanted. He carried her up some stairs, towards a door and she turned to him, a small, sweet smile on her face, "You can put me down now, i can walk." She told him, smiling as her hazel eyes looked into his and she tore hers away. She couldn't.


Sydney straightened out her legs, in an effort to be placed down, and then she was and she wobbled but regained her balance. They went into this apartment, she never knew this had exhisted, but it made enough sense. Was this where he stayed? Her hair was infront of her face, and she pushed it away, her eyes looking about until they turned to him and she sighed, looking down. She stood in his doorway, looking down, rather helplessly, she didn't really know what to say to him. How could she thank him enough without having to talk about it? "Thankyou. For down there, it means a lot. Really. Thankyou." She told him, looking up, her hazel eyes looking deep into his as she opened her arms and placed them around his shoulders and neck in a hug, kissing his check and hugging him. Slowly, almost reluctantly she pulled away, and stepped back. Okay, now she felt akward.


Sydney heard another siren and she snapped back into reality and her eyes shot to his. "Don't get the police involved. Please." She told him, why did she suddenly panic? Because she was wanted for crimes, because she had been at the station so many times, "They won't believe me. Just - just tell them, i don't know, that i don't want to press charges. Please." She said, as she walked into his dark apartment and over to a large front window and she pulled back the blinds and she looked out, four cop cars in the front of the pub and she let the blindes close, as she stood facing half towards them, and half towards Talan. She fell silent. What did she say to him?

[Talan♠McInnis]

The things he felt as he held her were unexplainable. The way in which she cried into his chest and how she held on to him so tightly brought him closer to her, not just physically. He felt bound to her somehow, even more so with what had just happened. He couldn’t stop thinking that she had almost been raped, or had been. He wasn’t sure. What he had seen was a man with his pants open and his body aroused, holding her against the wall with her dress shoved up and her legs forced open. Had he been in time? Or had the man already gotten to her? It made him nauseas to think that the man had been able to force himself into her. So completely sick. He held her so tight to him, hoping with everything he was that he had been in time and that by holding her so close to him he could somehow shield her from any and all pain; absorbing everything.

He set her down in his office as she had asked, but still kept his arm around her. They moved into his apartment and he watched her as she thanked him. “Don’t thank me,” he said honestly, “It was no problem. Really. In fact, I can’t say I didn’t enjoy watching him bleed. I hate violence, but when it come to that sort of thing…. I just …. I lose it.” That was putting it lightly really. All rational thoughts left Talan’s mind in those situations. With every single violent action he would take, all he could see was the image of whatever had set him off just playing over and over and over.

She hugged him and kissed his cheek. He moved to take a seat on the couch, needing to get a grip. He looked like he was back under control, but still the images wouldn’t leave him. Worse, his mind took it even further and he was seeing the whole rape play out in his head. Even if it hadn’t happened, which he still needed to ask her about or he would go crazy thinking that he had allowed something like that to happen. It would be all his fault too. He had insisted she come to the club to see him, and he hadn’t hurried fast enough to get to her. It was all his fault and he was so very sorry there were no words.

Listening to her anxious words about the police, he wondered what was wrong. Not tell them and file charges? Was she kidding? Let the man get off scot-free with what he had done and let him go with the possibility he could rapes some other woman. Not to mention, what id he had already raped somebody, or more than a one woman. She had see how pissed he had been, still was, how could she ask him to do that and let him get away? No, Talan couldn’t do that. There was no way he could. He was already feeling guilty as hell blaming himself for allowing the man to touch her. It would kill Talan how badly he would end up worrying each day that that stupid male would be out there, doing who knows what, possibly raping other women.

He pulled her over to sit with him on the couch and held her, reaching to the side of her face and turning her to him, looking deep into her eyes. It was a good thing that they had the video of the whole thing because it meant they didn’t need her to charge the man. Even so, why would she so willingly let the creep go? Knowing how horrible what she had experienced was, how could she live with herself letting the jerk go to possibly make another woman suffer as she had? He didn’t understand it and he needed to find out. “Sydney, how can you say that?” he questioned, his eyes searching hers with such affectionate concern, “How could you possibly let the man walk knowing what he is capable of and could do to other women?”

There was silence between them and he stood, moving to the window, opening the blinds and observing the policemen load the guy into an ambulance. Sad how they had to take care of him. It was dumb that people like him had ‘rights.’ Who cares? The son of a bitch lost any and all claim to any normal rights when he took it upon himself to try and force somebody to have sex. He leaned against the window, his elbow propped at the edge of it as he gazed out the window. “You don’t have to worry Syd,” he told her gently, “They have a tape of it and they can use that to press charges. With that, they don’t even need you. They have proof and that state can press charges whether you want to or not. So you wont have to worry about any of that.”

He turned back to her, still studying her and trying to figure her out. “Why do you want to avoid the police?” he asked, “What possible reason could you have?”

[__sydney l'amore]

Really, she didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to say or really even what move to make. Sydney's hazel eyes moved around his apartment, moving away from the blinds and towards him as he made his way towards his couch. Just then, she wondered why it looked as if this place wasn't lived in, it just had that cold feeling, it was hard to explain, it was just one of those feelings when you walked into an empty house and it just felt, empty, even if it was a show home. You just had a feeling ti was empty of house tentants. She wondered why that was. But then again, judging by his success in his working like she assumed he might own a six bedroomed mansion somewhere with flash countless sports cars and swimming pools. Or maybe that was a misconception.


The sirens stopped, but the blue lights still flashed, An ambulence. Good, they would take him away, the further away he was from her the better, or as far as she was concerned. Thats just how she was, she wanted to be away from any danger and if it faced her she ran. Thats how she ended up here, but it wasn't just Danger she would run from, it included the Truth, strong emotions and people in general. Things she could not control, or if she got too deep into something, her thing was to Run and not deal with, just abandon it.


Looking to him she gave him a lop sided smile, it proved she really had no idea what she was doing. She walked towards him, her steps were soft and light and rather graceful, almost as if she was a ghostly figure getting to him by floating above the ground gracefully. When she was beside the sofa she placed her hands together infront of her pelvis once she had put down her clutch bag on the coffee table. Her fingers and wrists wound together. Whenever she was nervous just watch the hands, they proved that fact. She messed, constantly, always tapping her fingers and hands, fiddling with them and even biting her nails. That though, she did not do. Why? No reason.


She felt his arm on hers and slowly, with his gentle force to persuade her to sit she did so. His touch to her arm set it alight, she got those tingles you got, they were unexplainable, and they were completely wrong. He felt nothing like she did towards him. She felt a touch growing closer to her face, then he gently caught her cheek in his hand and he turned her head towards him. He really needed to stop touching her and brushing her skin like this, it was sending her all the wrong signals, and it would not appear great if they were seen. His eyes took her attention, and she was lost in them as she gazed and for no explainable reason she smiled. But it was washed away as soon as he began to speak.


People should mind their own business, they really should, especially Talan. Well why should Talan? Well, because Sydney was damn sure if he carried on like this she would break down this barrier she had spent ever so long building up. She didn't know why or how she knew she could trust him. She just knew, deep down. That was something extremelly different to her. She didn't know this feeling, she didn't even know if she really wanted to know it. Whatever it was sent her mind reeling, it was changing her, for the better and constantly she thought about him. It seemed whenever she came across a new guy, everytime one asked her out she would compare them to him. He was something she could never have, that wasn't a fun fact to know at all.


Why did he always strike a chord everytime he spoke. He played the guilty card on her, using other helpless women to try and get her to open up, she thought about it, before she opened her mouth, How should she actually put this? "Because what, why, whats the point, he'll get about a year and be let out 6 months early with the laws we have now." That hardly made any sense. It was obviously a cover up. Why, well he wouldn't know, she knew that, but what she also knew was that he would want to know why it was. The thing was, she didn't want him to know, how could she possible tell him about how she had been raped, assualted and abused. How could she ever tell him that, lets face it, it wasn't something you share really.


He carried on speaking his point to her and she looked away, her eyes taking from his to the coffee table, to the objects in the room, anything but him. But something drew her eyes back to his, something always did. She began to scowl, as he spoke she scowled and it grew deeper and deeper. It showed so strongly as her forehead creased and her eyes began to narrow. Although this lasted until he ended speaking, it was wiped away in confusion when he questioned her. Fuck. Another thing to try and get her to open up. But the thing was, it felt like the time could be right, but she was so scared it would get out, one person knowing was enough, and that was herself, two, that would be difficult to live with. Looking at him and knowing that he knew her deepest darkest secrets.


How on earth should she answer? She was blank. "Because...." How did she put this without giving too much away. Think, she had to think of something rather logical. "They wouldn't believe me, trust me. Theres no point. They didn't be....... They won't." She almost gave too much away, but she had covered it up as quickly and efficently as she could have done, although it probably hadn't gone un-noticed. Instantly, she looked away. Hell if she hadn't given too much away she had done now. Her plan. Avoid his eyes. Avoid them at all costs. Avoid them. Fuck, did he know what he did to her?

[Talan♠McInnis]

{ooc - this is going to suck}

Her reply about the man just getting released really soon and barely having served much time just didn’t fly well with Talan. It was a bullshit answer. For one, he would most likely get more time than that, and for two, any amount of time he was in jail, he couldn’t be on the streets and possibly harming another woman. It didn’t really matter though. He explained why they wouldn’t really need her, although they would probably want to use her. It didn’t matter though. He wasn’t going to force her down there to talk to them.

As he listened to her answer he wondered what she hadn’t said. He asked her what she hadn’t said, “What?” She had cut a word short, and by what she was saying, it seemed like the before. She didn’t think they believed her and she’d said they didn’t be…. It just seemed like the word ‘before’ fit. Who knows though. He could be wrong. If he wasn’t though, what was she referring to? Had this sort of thing happened to her before? Ah well, he would find out. Somehow. Hopefully she’d feel comfortable enough with him to let him in.

For some reason, something compelled him to open up to her. He had been wanting to tell Destiny about himself for so long, and it was really getting to him, keeping it all in. Perhaps telling her could make him feel a little better, like taking a load off his chest or something. First though, he had to know. “Did he…” he started to ask with a pause, looking down at his knuckles that were slightly bruised, dreading the answer to what he was about to ask. “Did he… Did I… Did I get there in time?” he asked sullen eyes looking up to hers.

She seemed ok now, and that gave him hope that he had made it out there just in time to save her, but still the image played over in his head. Her dress up, legs forced open, him standing between her thighs, his arousal visible, the look of terror on her face, and the man licking her. It seemed like the man had already penetrated her. Talan may not have realized who she was when he’d seen her at first, but he’d seen that terrible look of fear and even worse, that look that she was reaching the point of just giving up fighting because everything she tried failed. His brow was furrowed as he rubbed his temple, trying to get it out of his head. She hadn’t yet answered, and the scene wouldn’t stop. He was going to go crazy. He even started picturing it happening to Destiny. Why did his mind have to play these images to him?

“God, this is all my fault,” he said, more to himself than to her, “If I hadn’t insisted you come to visit me, this wouldn’t have happened.” There it was again. Talan always finding a way to blame himself for everything. How could he have let this happen? She was turning her life around, making something better of her, doing something that made her happy, and now this had happened to her all because of him.

[__sydney l'amore]

Why did he have to be such an adorable, beautiful hero. He seemed to want to be this amazing hero who would help her whenever she wanted and needed it. He just seemed to be there now, he'd be online when she came on, he'd be there in the street even if he didn't see her, and he'd be there if she really needed someone, like tonight. She did dread to think about what could and would have happened if he had turned up a second or two late. If that beast of a man had had longer, by a fraction of a second, would her nightmare that constantly repeated itself over and over again so many years ago would have come back to life again. If it had done, what would she have done? Would she have coped? Or would it have just caused a relapse back into her old, depression? Because lets face it, she had been depressed, very depressed.


She ignored his 'what'. She knew he had heard, but she'd let it pass by. If she wanted to tell him she would do. Right now, she was actually leaning towards the telling. Spilling the dark secrets she'd kept to herself for many, many years, but she was unsure how he'd react, what he'd do. But she knew, these were just small unwanted thoughts, because deep down, she knew he'd never tell a soul. Or she hoped so badly. He began to speak, and she sat down and she turned towards him, looking at him, her body angled towards him. Hazel eyes looked deep into his face. When he finally stuttered out his words her face softened. See, this is what she meant, why did he look so adorably troubled over her own troubles? She smiled, softly and gently and she shook her head. "No... he didn't do anything." She said, turning her head to the side as she looked at his face. Did he know what he did to her? Ever since she first saw him, did he knew what he was doing?


He looked in torment. He looked to be blaming himself. She watched as he brought up his hands to his temple and rubbed, his eyes straining and he strained out words, blaiming himself. She instantly jumped foward towards him, softly she grabbed at his hands. "Hey, hey..." It was't a greeting, she wasn't trying to grab his attention and snap him out of whatever he was doing, seeing, or whatever, she didn't udnerstand it, but she did understand he was blaming himself, seriously. "Don't you dare say that. Its not you fault at all. I'm fine. Nothing happened to me. It could have happened at any time, it could have happened to someone else god damn him. But don't dare let me hear you blaming yourself. Are you listening?" She had a stern tone to her voice. She did not want him troubling himself over what could have happened, if she could get over it, he should be able to.


She suddenly realised she was holding his hands in his. She let go quickly, again, as if she had been burnt by his skin and she sat back into the sofa, putting space between them as her eyes looked away and she looked down before looking towards him again and tilting her head to the side. "I'm a big girl, i can look after myself, hell i've done it for long enough. I'm used to jerks like him, they're nothing to me anymore. Look, if i let whats happened to me hold me back, like it has done, i'd never move on. but i'm doing it. Don't blame yourself, you stopped it from happening ag... thankyou." Yeah. how many times did she slip up there? Was she doing it conciously or subconciously, did she want to tell him, is that why she was slipping up so often. Maybe somehow, she was telling herself it was time to tell someone.


Smiling, her lips peaked upwards and her head tilted to the side, her hair falling over her face and she then looked away and around the place where he lived. "Nice place, do you live here or is it empty?" She asked him, wanting to change the subject off of her.

[Talan♠McInnis]

His mind was too persistent in replaying the scene in his head, so much so that he had barely heard her respond to his question. Why did he do these things? Ever since he was sixteen years old he had this habit of blaming himself for everything. Things he had no control over. It did know good and he knew it, yet he continued to do it to himself. It was a very self-destructive behavior because it just depressed him. He would never understand how men could do those things and still call themselves men. Where is the fun in abusing a woman? How could a guy actually be turned on when the woman is trying to beat him off her? It was sick, and he hated it. It was one of the very few things that got him as angry as she had seen.

Suddenly, she was holding his hands in hers, and his eyes met hers as she spoke to him. She was so pretty and here she was worrying about him blaming himself when she was the one who was just violated. He realized that she had said that the man hadn’t able to finish what he started, and relief washed over him. At least now he could feel better knowing that hadn’t happened to her. Plus, the guy was going to jail. He gave her a half smile as he looked at her, letting her know he was ok. How could she worry about his well being when nothing had happened to him? He could have kissed her then, but of course, he had a girlfriend, whom he loved, and would never cheat on.

The she jerked back like she had before. This was the third time of her doing so and every time it hurt. It always made him feel like he repulsive to her. Like there was something wrong with him, or something. He couldn’t explain it very well. It just made him feel bad. Why did she have such a problem with his touch? Most women loved how he could touch them. Was it him? Or was it just being that close to somebody in general? He was determined to find out.

She moved further away from him and started speaking once more. He listened to her and was troubled again. He could put together some conclusions from what she said, but nothing concrete of course. All were based on vague statements. “Sydney…” he started, pausing before asking, “What happened? Please don’t turn me away. I just… I just want to be here for you. I don’t know why, but ever since I met you I’ve wanted to be there for you. At least as a good friend you can count on. I’ve spent nights wondering what happened in your life that made those beautiful eyes so haunted. Just, talk to me. I promise, you wont regret it.” He turned her face towards him as he spoke, looking into her eyes. His eyes were full of concern and he was so genuine. Hopefully she would see it in his eyes.

[__sydney l'amore]

Why did he have to be so bloody adorable? She found herself, as he spoke to her, in such convinsing tones as his touch once again made her head turn towards him, she found herself lost in his beautiful eyes. How did he manage to do this to her. She had never once believed in love, or any sort of emotion towards a guy like she was feeling towards him, she had never believed in what people said as 'love at first sight' but as cheesy as it may sound he didn't need to walk past to have her fall for him.


His eyes were so convincing, she looked down, even if he still held her chin up, then slowly she looked back to his, she could get lost in them for hours, days even, for ever. She opened her mouth, but she shut it soon after when the words she found did not come out of her mouth, they made no tone, maybe just a small squeak at the back of ehr throat. She swallowed, her mouth dry. Was she really about to do this? Tell the deepest and darkest secrets she had kept to herself for so very long. Was she about to tell them all to Talan?


She was. She sighed and she pulled her chin back, gently and she looked down at her hands. She stood up and as she turned her back to him she began to talk. "I've done a lot of things Talan. A lot of things have happened to me since i was a little girl. I never really had a childhood, i was kind of expected to grow up when my mum was sent to prison - murder, or attempted, its all kind of fuzzy." She swallowed hard, she turned her head to look over her shoulder. Her eyes misty and then she walked towards the large window, beginning to talk onc emore. "A lot of things happened, i wouldn't say i was 'haunted', i've just been to hell and back." She took a deep breath.


She had never known how hard it was, how much enegery it took from her to tell him. She gripped onto the window ledge and she looked out of the glass window now marked with rain which pelted down on the streets and people below. "My my went and i had to grow up, my brother was an arse and my dad, he couldn't do it. I failed at everything, i got kicked out of school and i gave up, i started doing things i shouldn't have done. My brother took me when i was fifteen. A new start. But, it.... i can't remember those years that much, they're.....blocked out." She looked down, and if you were watching, you'd see a tear fall from her cheek and hit the floor next to her feet. She sniffed silently and looke dout of the window, hazel eyes full of tears as her hands shook. She was reliving the first time it happened. She jumped. "Matt- my frie- my brothers friend, he- he did things. He, i was only fifteen. I, he just, i never knew. My brother went to work, away three days away..." She found herself finding it hard to breath.


She straightened out but she placed her other hand on the ledge to support herself as her whole body shuck. SHe couldn't go back now, she didn't even want to. She looked down at the rain filled streets. "He. I don't know. He changed. I knew. I was only youn'. He, did things. then he, i don't know. He............ he...... rap....ed me." She stuttered, god, it was so hard to say it out loud. But as she did, a huge wash of relief came over her body, she felt light, like weight had been lifted from her, she let morwe tears fall down her face. "I couldn't get away Talan...... he.... matt was a monster....he... he didn't stop. I was only fifteen Talan when it started. I cant even remember what it was like to be a teenager...... it went on for so long. Y..years." SHe stopped and she straightened herself out. "He stole my life from me...." She slowly turned around. Her make-up now all down her face, eyes a mess and her hands shaking as she looked to him, she looked as if she was in a trance and she just shook and breathed rapidlly. "The police- they never believed me." She leant against the window as she saw sirens and she broke down, crying. God, she must look like an idiot.\ Sslowly, her feet gave way and she began to sink down the wall to the floor.


What a mess. What a big mess.

[Talan♠McInnis]

He listened to all she said. Some of it was still very vague. Like, what things she had done. What sort of things? It didn’t matter. Whatever they were, life had led her that way. It wasn’t her fault. It sounded as though she didn’t really have a choice in the matter. Well, you always have a choice, but there are times when you feel like you don’t. He didn’t know what things she had done, but nothing would make him see her as less in his eyes. He still saw her the same way he had since he met her. The same way he had told her on the street that day she had come to the club.

As she spoke of the guy named Matt and her words were spacey and choked, he had a feeling he knew what was coming and rage didn’t begin to describe the feeling he had inside. She had been raped. Several times. Apparently over and over again for years. He would have killed the man. If he ever saw him, he would kill him. It would be a conscious thought on Talan’s part. It was simply a fact. There would be no conscious thought to it. He would just plain kill the guy named Matt. Of course, he didn’t know him, and he didn’t even know what he looked like, but if he had, that guy would be dead. Plain and simple.

Talan knew tough that there was nothing he could do. It was in the past and unfortunately, he couldn’t change the past. His anger would do her know good. She could probably imagine how angry he was anyway, after the way she had seen him act tonight. Nobody ever saw him act that way. It wasn’t in his nature to be violent. It was just things like that which sent him off the deep end. It was unexplainable really. It didn’t really matter though. He wasn’t going to punch his hand through a window, which he very much felt like doing. He was going to do exactly what he had told her he would. He would be there for her.

He had stood some time in the middle of her speaking, and was making his way over to her when she started to give way. He moved forward to catch her, hesitating only slightly for fear she would pull away as she had before - as though he had burnt her or something. He took her in his arms and held her up wanting so badly to make it all go away. Nobody should suffer as she had. Nobody. He didn’t say anything for a little while as he just held her on her feet. He moved with her still in his arms and grabbed a tissue from nearby. Leaning back, he wiped her tears. There was nothing he could say to make this better for her. He lead her over to the couch once more and just held her. That was the best he could do. Be a shoulder to cry on.

After some time, he move her face once more to look at him, brushing her hair back. “I know he took a lot from you, and I know there is nothing I can do or say to make it any better for you,” he said with so much care, “He took your life from you, but look at what you are doing now. You’re taking it back. I’m so incredibly proud of you and how you have come this far, despite him. I don’t know what things you did before that, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing can lower you in my eyes.”

He had learned from past experience that he can’t be every girl’s hero and shoulder to cry on. It never sat well with his girlfriends, and he could imagine how upset Destiny would be to see him holding Sydney, and saying these things to her. Things was though, he couldn’t turn her away. She needed him, and he needed to be there for her. He couldn’t walk away knowing he could have helped somehow or at least tried. He had matured to be better about that stuff, but with her, he just couldn’t walk away.

[__sydney l'amore]

Her back slowly slid down the cold wall, but she heard footsteps, and although she didn't look up from her hands she felt a strong, comforting grip and she slowly regained her balance on her feet. Then she felt Talans strong arms pull her close. She would have pulled away again if it wouldn't be the fact she had given him to him holding, she wanted him to hold, she needed him to hold her. She knew it was wrong. She knew he was taken and she knew that he wasn't interested in her. But she needed him to hold, if only just for a while, she would deal with the emotional consquences later. But for now, she needed him against her, his strong grip holding her to him.


She burried her head into his chest and her hands left her face to come up udner his arms, her entire body language showed how vunerable she was, her hug was as if she was holding onto him for dear life, submitting to his lead of dominancy and just the need for him. Her hands gripped at his back and she made sure he held her tight as she cried into his shirt. But as his warmth absorbed into her body she slowly began to stop sobbing, and just calm tears fell down her face. She was safe now. She knew that, No harm could come to her, and she had never thought she would feel so glad for telling someone what had happened. She clung onto him, her body against his as she blinked, silent tears which had no reason fell down her cheek, were they from relief?


Sydney slowly pulled back as he brushed her hair away and he moved them to the sofa. she sat down beside him, curled up her legs and she rested against him, lifting her chin to look at him as he spoke. She let her eyes, only for a second, trail to his lips, hell, she hoped he hadn't noticed, it was a clear sign she had wanted him to kiss her, she had wanted to kiss him. What she wouldn't do just to feel his lips against hers. She knew it would never happen and it could never happen, he was with someone and what would he do if he found out she felt the way she did? He didn't feel the same way, so why did it feel so right to be falling in love with this man she hardly knew.


She looked into his eyes as he spoke, she couldn;t but smile. Hearing that he was proud of her was enough, and then she started crying once again. She placed her hands to her face to cover her face. No one had ever told her they were proud of her, not since she was a small girl, three or four years old. God, she felt so stupid. She rubbed her eyes, rubbing and brushing away the mascara which would have fallen with her tears, trying to smudge it away. She sniffed and she looked to himout of the corner of her eye and she smiled, "Don't set me off again." She said, the smile now clear on her face. Before she let herself fall back into his comforting, warm safe grip and she rested her head on his shoulder, his jawline sending tingles throughout her body as she felt his gentle touches against her hair. "Just promise me, one thing, you'll never, ever, ever, never tell anyone. never?" She asked him as she wiped away the tears which fell, her hand reached for his and she took it, entwining her finger with his. She sat up. This was so fucking wrong.

Sydney looked into his eyes and she searched them, she would look a mess, wounded, hurt, terrified, you name it, but she felt so strong inside now. Nothing could break her. He was proud of her, he, talan, was proud of her, the thought of it just made her smile. "Promise me?" It was almost a beg. What she would do if he told. She;d never forgive him, that was for certain. Then she fell silent, before she rubbed her fingers over his hand and she caught his eyes again, "Thankyou...." She whispered.